"the dog barft"

Out of all the text messages I received from my children last week, this one has to be the best. This is the message that had me laughing so hard in my office at work that I had someone come in to check on me and see what was so funny. I thought it was even funnier that she couldn't figure out what it meant because of how barft was spelled. This message also stuck out because it reminded me of all the other times I have been told that the dog was throwing up.


This is Charlie. He has been a part of our family for five years. The first year was a very long year to get through and if I remember correctly I think I tried to find a new home for him every other week. What saved him you ask? His amazing personality and the fact that our boys absolutly love him (kids needs always come first and I don't have enough in their therapy fund to cover getting rid of the dog). We all love him and he is so much a part of our family now, even if I do have a countdown going according to how long his life expectancy is.

Back to doggy bodily functions. You might be wondering why the dog barfing would be such a big deal, but for Charlie, barfing is a common event. I keep thinking that this dog will one day figure out that he shouldn't eat certain things, but that day has not come. While I was reminiscing about all the times I have had to clean up Charlie puke, I thought that maybe I should share them with you. I mean, why should I have to suffer through this all alone?

I won't make you go through all the gory details and you can be very thankful that you didn't have to smell any of it either. It really all started the first Christmas that we had him. We knew that it would be a good idea to put the ornaments up high so that Charlie wouldn't be able to get any off the tree and break them. He must have decided to grow several inches while we were out shopping because when we got home he had not only gotten a hold of one of my nice glass ornaments, he also tried to have it for an after dinner snack. That was the first time I had ever cleaned up throw up full of glass. Don't worry about the dumb dog, he was somehow just fine.

Then there was the time that he decided to eat a mouse. Charlie, did you forget that you are a dog? When did dog's decide to eat mice? I truly thought only cats did that sort of a thing. Charlie learned real quick that mouse was not going to agree with his tummy and found the perfect spot to get rid of his snack. He stopped in the middle of my living room floor underneath the coffee table and threw up. Oh, did I mention that I had light tan carpet at the time. That was the first time I ever ever cleaned up mouse throw up. Once again, don't worry about the dumb dog he is doing great.

The next year at Christmas I had searched to find a certain kind of Cherry Chocolates for my Mother-in-law. After fighting many crowds at many different stores, I found what I was looking for and even wrapped it in snowman wraping paper (her favorite). Knowing that chocolate is not good for dogs, I even put her chocolates up high on a stool. Once again, we get home from shopping to find a very happy Charlie gretting us at the front door. Eventually I noticed paper on his paws and nicely asked him what he had been into. He just wagged his tail and acted like, "what do you mean? I haven't done a thing the whole time you were gone." When I was done unloading everything I noticed that part of the kitchen floor was blue. And then it dawned on me, it was blue from the wrapping paper. Charlie had unwrapped the box of both the wrapping paper and the celophane, he then procedeed to unwrap each individual cherry chocolate and eat the entire 1 pound box. The only thing that saved him that day was the fact that I was laughing so hard at him and putting it all together and then I noticed that it wasn't paper on his paws it was the tin foil that was around each chocolate.
When Kenny got home later that evening, Charlie was starting to feel very sick. He was supposed to see the vet soon for his shots so I could license him, so I felt it was my duty to announce that "if" he made it through the night I might make his appointment. Kenny on the other hand thought that this poor dog needed our help. I tried to explain that he done this to himself and "if" he made it through the night then maybe he would learn a lesson. Kenny and the boys had other plans and Kenny thought the perfect remedy would be to rub Charlie's belly to see if that would help him to throw up and get rid of the entire pound of chocolate. It did exactly that, Charlie soon starting throwing up everywhere. When I say everywhere, he threw up in our bedroom, in the hallway, in the living room, and in the kitchen. We thought he was done and we needed to run an errand, so we left him thinking he was done throwing up and would just rest now. Nay, Nay!!!! That dog was far from being done. While we were gone he threw up in the basement on our couch, went upstairs and threw up on Taylor's bed, and somewhere else that I have happily forgotten.
I look back at that experience and wonder why we didn't keep him confined to the kitchen or bathroom, you know, rooms without light tan carpet. Obviously, that would have made sense. That was the first time that I cleaned up cherry chocolate throw up (and unfortunatly not the last) and; Please don't worry about the dumb dog, he is still doing just fine.

Over the years we have learned that cherry chocolates are like crack for Charlie and to keep him away from them at all cost. Now, my question to you is, if none of these things have killed this dog yet; what do you think could possible make a dent in shortening his 7-10 year life span?

Disclaimer:

This in no way should be taken as me asking for ideas for a "hit", I am just curious because he has eaten enough chocolate to probably kill three dogs by now added in with rodents and glass and whatever else he has eaten that I don't know about.