Monday, March 18, 2013

Lost and Found

For one of Taylor's classes, he has study hall in the library and the lost and found is located in the library.  I guess he checks the lost and found regularly and last week noticed that there was a watch in there.  He came home on Friday with this watch on his wrist.  I asked him about it and he said that it had been in the lost and found and it had been there for a while (found out a while equates 3 days) so he took it.  I didn't get to much more from him, but later when his Grandma came home the conversation went more like this:

Grandma: Where did you get that watch?
T: I found it in the lost and found.
Grandma: Was it yours?
T: No, it was lost and I found it!

Now T has a watch that beeps every hour and the alarm went off a couple times and he couldn't figure out how to stop it.  My response, well you found it =)

I love how kids think and reason.  Don't always love all the teaching that has to follow some of these decisions, but it always keeps life interesting.

Friday, March 15, 2013


Medical bills reproduce like rabbits !

It could also be like Field of Dreams...If you pay them, more will come.

I'm just sayin :)

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Opening up

I recently saw an episode of Katie where she interviewed some moms who take medicine to be a better mom. The topic was picked and gone into more depth from an article in Parenting magazine, the section on the show was labeled Xanax makes me a better mom. These moms had depression and needed antidepressants.  On the website it has several quotes that explain how depression is experienced by different people. Each of these moms all shared the same feelings that if they are depressed they aren't a good mom, by taking their medications they are able to be attentive and overall a better mom.  This is an opinion that I agree with.

There is still so much astigmatism around depression that it is hard to be open. Within the Parenting article, they bring up the fact that when studying depression, that parenting was not part of the studies.  I agree with some point that were brought up about just giving a pill to everyone who want to always be happy. I know that there is an over prescribed amount of antidepressants, like some other medications, and like those other drugs, there are some serious side effects that can happen from taking these kinds of medications.  Even when these medications are needed, you need to make sure you are working with a mental health professional who knows how to properly diagnose you and can work closely with you so you find the right medication for your specific needs.

I'm not trying to sound preachy, I just know how important it is to be properly diagnosed. I bring this up because I have gone back and forth in my decision to share this part of my life and face the possible backlash that can come from people knowing this much about me.  Depression is more than just feeling sad about having a bad day.  Chemical depression goes further to where you feel like you have sunk into quicksand.  When I start going downhill, I don't even realize what is going on.  For a long time, I had no idea that this was a large part of why I would struggle through simple parts of my life. I was blessed to have a loving sister who shared her feelings that I was, "going to ruin my marriage" because of my actions.

For me, it went past just being "lazy" and "unmotivated," I was more than just "tired" or was having some "pain."  I had several moments when driving around the city when I would be the first one stopped at the Trax crossing and would try to calculate how far I could pull in front of the train to just get knocked out (so I could have a break from life) but not die. Other times I would watch the planes take off from the airport that was by our home and wish for one to drop on me.  I know that I really didn't want to die, but there were guilty feelings that I wasn't good enough and that I was causing my family too much money because of my diseases.    By this time my family realized things were getting more serious with me and made plans to intervene and get me help.  I didn't have to be hospitalized but it did lead to me getting the proper help and diagnosis so that my depression can be better under control.  It will always be there, like type 1 diabetes, but with proper medication, it can be managed for the most part.

Why would I share this now?  I was appalled while watching the show that people would make comments along the line that they shouldn't be a parent, period, if they needed antidepressants.  To me this is like saying that if you have diabetes you shouldn't have children.  If you could have cancer, you shouldn't have children. We have as much control over getting depression as we do over getting cancer.  Depression is invisible, if you saw me, your first thought wouldn't be "look, she is depressed!"  It's not like having a broken arm or surgery.  Most of the people that we see that are homeless are there due to mental illness and we look and say "how sad" or "that person is crazy."  Both thoughts are true, to a point, it is sad and the person does have mental illness, crazy might not be the best description of that person (nor very PC, but I'm not very PC, I am crazy :)).

I am proud to say that it has almost been a year since my family had their little intervention with me.  I have been seeing a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner (aka crazy pill nurse).  I have had a lot of family who have stayed close and have been wonderfully supportive   I have friends that have been so understanding.  Both have been very loving.  On the other hand, there have been people who have been incredibly judgmental and some who seem okay but have put distance between us.  Sometimes it can be painful with both groups, It's hard to have people not like me over something that I have no control over and it is hard to see the concern in the eyes of people I love.  I am very blessed to have so many loved ones and to have learned to be stronger due to the people who have made life hard.

We all will have our own struggles that we need to overcome. Because of this, we have all been put here to help each other and to lift each other. We shouldn't be making it harder for each other, we need to be loving and helpful. At least that's what I believe.