Are we moving backward?

I took my boys to see a movie and then go shopping so they could spend some of their Christmas money. We all needed a day out to just have some fun. I had 2 very important realizations that day. One, don't go to the movie theater during Christmas break on a Tuesday when they have $1 drinks and popcorn. You find out quickly that every day care in the area is there as well. We were able to buy our tickets to get in (and heard behind us 3 adults and 18 children). As for the concession stand, forget about it! The line to get drinks was wound through the lobby. I went down later to get us a drink and still had to wait 15 min. It was absolute craziness and there was children everywhere.

That was the silly part of the day. The real reason I'm writing is because of my realization number two. We went shopping at Target so the boys could get a couple things. I am such a worry wort of a mother that I never let us split up and shop separately, but this time I did. I am so happy that they weren't with me when I encountered a couple that made my mouth drop open. Here is how their conversation went:

wife, "you're stupid."

husband, tried to respond but I don't think he actually got a complete word out.

wife, "that's right, because you're stupid."

husband, hunched over and speechless.

wife, "see you are stupid."

My first thought was to walk over and tell that wife that she is a cow. I stopped myself and thought how this might impact that husband and the words never left my mouth. I did however tell her in my head that she was a cow several times.

We all know that there is still a lot of abuse out there and that most of the time the shelters for battered woman and their children are full. But, to see abuse in Target while shopping left me stunned. It also left me with my mouth hanging open because it was the wife that was the abuser. I always thought this was rare because up until a couple Oprah shows that I've seen recently, the only person that I knew of that was a man and was abused was Kelsey Grammer. My heart instantly went out to this man and couldn't help but think what it must be like at home if this is what it is like in a public place.

I stopped for a couple seconds to look around and see if anyone else had noticed what I had just noticed. No one looked in their direction or stopped what they were doing at all. Was it because she was "just" calling a man stupid? Was it because we are so accustomed to hearing people speak this way to each other that no one thought anything of it. I'm still sitting here wondering what the real story is between these two people and wondering how someone could speak to someone else that they are supposed to love the way she did. I know that right now when it should be a happy time for most families that in reality it ends up being the most stressful time of the year and that this is when the most abuse occurs. In this particular circumstance, I don't know their whole situation and I could be jumping to conclusions. My heart still goes out to that man and I hope he is doing okay.

People have been trying for years to raise awareness of abuse and that it can happen to anyone. I have been watching it in my family for years and am always amazed that anyone would allow themselves to be controlled (yes, that is a form of abuse). I'm amazed that with all the help out there people still allow themselves to be hit and belittled. I was completely amazed to see it on TV when one of the teen moms went after her husband and began hitting him. I know that it raised some concerns and that instance is being investigated, but as far as I know, it's only because she acted that way in front of her children.

Does anyone else out there wonder if our society is moving backward? Are we all really so desensitized that we barely blink twice when we see violence? I'm beginning to think that I have just been naive to think that things could be getting better when they're not. All I do know is that there are three men out there that are being controlled by their wives and forced to give up things that they enjoy and some of the things that make them happy. For a couple of these men I have watched them go from being happy and lively to functioning and just going through their daily routine. I have also watched as some of the women in our family have gone through the same things. Some have left and improved their situation and others are still hurting. They have gone from trying to occasionally stand up for themselves to now not even liking holidays and sounding more depressed then ever.

I know exactly why all of this has bothered me and I guess I'm wondering if I'm the only one out here that would allow this to bother me. I have thought for a couple of days how to try to express my thoughts on this and still feel that I've missed it somehow. I also feel that if I had just written what I heard and then used a bunch of statistics that people stop listening. Now, I'm just rambling, so it's time for me to stop. I do hope that this has made some of us think and be more mindful of those around us that are suffering.