My Friend Fibro

Ever since I found out last Fall that I have Fibromyalgia I have contemplated writing about my experience. I have been torn between the thought that no one wants to hear me whine when I don't feel good to maybe this will help someone else out there that is going through the same thing. I think at this point I'm going to use you all for my therapy and just allow, what is now a huge part of my life, to be a part of our adventures. I hope that if someone out there stumbles across this and is feeling this way or is newly diagnosed like I am that you might not feel like you're alone.

I'm giving in and finally calling it my friend. This is something that will be with me forever and learning to manage it and come to peace with it is the only way for me to move forward in this new chapter of my life. I have to come to terms with the fact that I need help now to do some normal everyday things that I never thought about before. I have always been the strong one, both physically and mentally, and now I can hardly get out of bed some days. I do force myself out of bed everyday and take my son to school and unless there is something major going on with me, I don't allow myself to go back to bed. Even on my bad days I will find something positive and I am not giving up or letting Fibro take away my life.

I guess I should correct myself on the last line, I do have to give in sometimes to my body and listen to the pain. In a way Fibro does take away little bits of my life, but not the whole thing. This weekend is a good example of when it takes away a part of my life. I spent the entire weekend in bed with a migraine. I also had pain from head to foot that came with stabbing pain because I needed to switch to a new pain medicine for my deep nerve pain. I was taking Lyrica and it was wonderful, however, it was super expensive and it has gotten to a point where I just can't justify the cost anymore. I met with my doctor to see if we could switch that and to let him know that I now have a drug allergy. I have never been allergic to anything and now I am allergic to Ultram. It was lovely, my entire neck was red with hives going up the side of my neck and almost onto my face.

While trying to switch from one medicine to the other I let my pain get out of control and when I realized what was happening it was to late. I have to add at this point that it wasn't all bad and that I had an amazing hair day on Friday, I wish I had a picture of it. I also felt really good (I did have some pain) and was able to run a bunch of errands and even took Kenny a Mt. Dew so he could see me looking nice. Sometimes I have to remind both of us that I do know how to do my hair and get dressed for the day in something other than jeans and a t-shirt. It was a really good morning until the pain took over and then I spent the rest of the weekend with an ice pack on the back of my neck and on my forehead and slept. I knew that I needed to move and sometimes a shower will help so I took a shower, I wanted to cry when the water first touched my back. I spent the entire time in the shower trying not to throw up from the pain. I think every nerve in my body was exposed. It felt like I was scrubbing exposed nerves while I tried to wash my body.

I don't know if any of you know what I'm trying to explain. I'll keep working on my descriptions until I can get them to where you can understand the pain a little. I did get up a few times to move around a little and even went to my mom's house on Saturday for dinner. I couldn't make it to church on Sunday though, I can't sit up without feeling nauseated. Even while writing this I am having a hard time. I feel nauseated, my back and arms are throbbing with pain from sitting here and holding my arms up to type. I'm also having little hints of my migraine pain coming back.

As I'm reading over this before I post it, it feels a little doom and gloom. I feel like Eeyore as I read this. Yes, there is pain and there are things that I struggle with doing, but there is also so much good that has come with having this disease. I am learning to have so much more compassion for other people who are suffering with their afflictions. I get to stay home with my boys and have the time to spend with them. Instead of focusing on a career, I get to focus on my family. When I say family, I mean my entire family (parents, siblings, cousins, ward family, etc).

I love being able to serve and help. I'm learning so much about my boys now that I'm home. I get to spend time with my mom when we go visit or when I can help and take her to her doctor appointments. I also want to be able to share if I'm having a bad day or if I'm having a good day. It really is the only way to understand me and my corky sense of humor. Hopefully, I haven't scared any of you away now. But, I also figure that if that was going to happen it would have happened with my drugging our cat story.